A Monday Morning Rant

item #1: coffee in the workplace:
this is an open letter to anyone who works with me. if you take the last of the coffee, make another pot. ill let some of you slide, you probably think, "its noon, i can take the last of it because no one drinks coffee in the pm, aside from coroners and beatniks". dead wrong you ass-panda! i drink coffee 24/7, especially when I'm entertaining myself with paperclips all day long. it is my life fuel during the work week. the rest of you however, i know what you're thinking, "too much coffee is bad for you, I'm probably helping evan out by not making another pot. he drinks too much coffee and smokes too many cigarettes". i also view far too much porn and bath in jameson irish whiskey. however, next time you tel me i drink coffee in excess you need to think about the fact you get mcdonalds breakfast every morning of the work week. true, both of our hearts will explode at some point, but at least my heart won't look like a stuffed bellpepper, or a kfc famous bowl. it will more likely resemble iggy pop. so i beg of you, please make a fresh pot. or leave me some actual pot, that would make the work day more tolerable as well.
item #2:
tonitas mexican ristorante, you've been far too good to me over the past few months for me to be actually angry with you. but when i come to visit you this evening, please have guacomole on hand for my always delicious solo burrito.
item #3:
sliding glass door in my bedroomfix yourself asshole!